There’s how she sleeps facing Timbuktu and when Jose touches her, she remains still and cold. She pretends to have slept eons ago even when she got in bed two minutes ago. She starts a rhythmic snow to keep you off.
Jose wakes up and has no omelette for breakfast. No tea and not even a plain non-toasted bread. She did not make anything, and doesn’t look like she will get hungry any soon .
Jose wants to go make breakfast then, but the look she gives stops him from swallowing his own saliva.
She is on the couch. Covered and doing something on her phone. Maybe just scrolling up and down for nothing.
“Morning, ” he says softly, careful to miss the pearly gates.
“Mmmhh,” she answers
“What’s for breakfast?”
“Si you go eat where you have been since Thursday,” she responds.
“Where is that coming from…” Jose adds.
” Go eat at one of your women. I’m not woman enough for you so don’t bother.” she says.
” Other women don’t even know where their men slept. I was out for work assignment and I was courteous enough to tell you!”
“What were condoms doing in your socks? Shielding your socks from floods?”
“You are going far with this. They are not even mine. They are a colleague’s. I always write names on mine so I don’t lose them. These aren’t mine.”
” Jose, Jose Jose…” she continues.
“Ask Kim, Leo, Kevo…” he interrupts.
“Ooh will you shut up? I hate you! I hate myself! I hate every effing thing! How dare you? ” she stands,looks at his eyes and shakes her head.
She runs to the room, locks herself and cries.
The problem with pre-planning lies, the devil walks in unashamed and makes you a rotten avocado straight up.
Jose has involuntarily paid taxes and brought her flowers and chocolates often. He gifts her in between and she takes photos of everything including lunches, dinners and trips he paid for, and posted on Instagram.
All that didn’t count.
All his good deeds were suddenly useless.
“Maria. Please open let’s talk.”
[ Sobs and coughs in between]
He keeps trying to no avail. He has to go to work. He will have office breakfast after his first meeting.
“Okay. You don’t have to see me. Just give me clothes so I can go to work, ” he continues.
“Go to your women to give you clothes for today.”
He realizes he is losing the battle. He gets his shoes from the rack, covers with a Masai shuka and drives off.
“Jose. Again?” asks his colleague Tim.
“Yeah, man, and it always happens when I have no spare clothes in the motii, he says
” Invite only wedding, if you have no card, climb the sycamore tree hahaha.”
“Learn the ropes. You can’t just shag as carelessly as you are doing you idiot. And keep spare clothes here. We are tired of being your savior.”
“Tim stop it. I have a meeting in a few. I don’t have clothes. Ooh crap. This woman is something.”
“So do you want a skirt, a peplum top…”
” Easy man, but shave when you go home. You look like the burning bush. What of your pubic area? Lil’ man must be in some Karura.”
“Not now. Please!”
“Here, grab the gum. Messaged Leo, he is coming with clothes for you. Naima got you her XO Deo.”
“Thanks ma but can’t go smelling all female in the meeting. Let me not use the deodorant,” Jose goes on.
“I use it. It’s unisex. You will smell fresh. You need to keep one in your car for the forest you are breeding under your armpits.”
He is fresh and looks mint in a second. You would think he will be home Friday after work on time. But Jose is Jose. He will be the tech guy at huduma number registration. He will go home on Monday at 4a.m.
” Jose, wives are good. They are sent from heaven, smelling milk and honey, singing hosanna. Haha. Remember?”
Tim can’t help but laugh.
” Eeei eeii Jose, here. Keep this XO deodorant. Your forest may need more during a break.”
Jose’s phone rings. It’s Maria. He looks at it, smiles, slides it in his pocket and walks to the boardroom.
“Every man needs a wife. They are a good thing,” Jose laughs as he shouts.
” Everyone needs some XO, you idiot. Fresh moments count,” Tim says as he walks to his desk.